i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
