I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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