I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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