I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
