the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
