youre lurking in front of me
She is in my trunk
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
