I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
