Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
