oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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