i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
