No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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