Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
