Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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