barbara walters just said penis...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
