I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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