I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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