Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
