Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
