No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
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No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
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Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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