I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
