there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
