Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
