you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
