no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
