so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
