when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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