My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
