I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
