I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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