Cold hands, warm shart.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
