i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
