You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
