You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
