And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
