don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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