This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
