he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
