its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
