he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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