would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
