I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
