Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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