Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
