I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
