Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
