Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
