YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
