Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?