he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone