My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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