Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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