i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
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Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home