Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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