I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS