We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
