i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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