I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
