I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
