how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
