She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he shaved USA in his pubs
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i think my cat just said my name.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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