I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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