ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
