3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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