Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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