Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
