my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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