Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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