i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
