Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
