Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize