im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
