so explain again why im purple
no
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
