we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
