so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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