And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
