Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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