did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
