does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
