i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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