Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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