i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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