I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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