I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
