hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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