All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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