I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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