My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
