I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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