um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Randomize
