Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
