Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I party with great urgency now.
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