is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
