Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
