Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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