Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
