Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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