with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
