I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
