you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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