meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
